"But when the stormy billows of passion roll up, in early youth, what becomes of the frail skiff, with its swelling sails and its inexperienced pilot?"
"I am about to go to war with New Bern, Kansas, home of the nearest Costco. Today is already just about as weird as I can handle." - Mayor Green, Jericho
"You better look at my boobs when I'm talking about 'em!" -Joy, My Name Is Earl
"[Meryl Streep] is the green vegetable of film and stage. You know you should see A Cry in the Dark because its illumination of religious intolerance is good for you, but you just don't want to. She is an institution: a slate-gray building where your periodontist has an office. Moore, on the other hand, is still making movies that people and critics enjoy watching. If Streep is a four-star restaurant, Julianne Moore is a four-star restaurant that has a bar attached where you can smoke, drink domestic beer, and order nachos."
"I joined the Peace Corps and a day later I was two continents away. But 6,000 miles and all the dope I could smoke still couldn't seperate me from my problems. And this was good dope... it was growing everywhere... OMG, this one time we got so baked we ended up eating all the food the World Health Organization had airlifted in. Man, those villagers were so pissed! They tried to chase us, but let me just say, thank God for polio..." - Brian, Family Guy